October 8 Part Two
Okay. Going back duon sa discussion namin ni Doc Jing.
I want to be honest. I already came to the point of wanting my pregnancy to end kasi hirap na hirap na ako. I only stay at home, lie down, eat, lie down again. I only get to go out of the house when I will be brought to the hospital. I am sick all the time. I don’t remember having cravings. I was only asleep, when I am awake, I am sick. I was asking Niño to check if I’m having bed sores na.
I was an invalid. I stopped accompanying Enzo to school in the morning. I can not even cook and prepare for Enzo’s baon. People has to come in our room to talk and to see me. I felt useless. My medicines weren’t cheap, so as the hospital expenses.
I was bargaining with the Lord, if the pregnancy is not really for me, then please spare the little child from all the suffering. I was willing to take all the emotional pain, and the judgment that I’ll get from others. I was willing to emotionally torture myself. I also asked the Lord to spare Ate Enzo of the suffering, if the the time comes that mommy and daddy has to leave them.
Pero Doc Jing was right. I, as a mother, still wants to be somehow relieved knowing that I did everything I can, to make the pregnancy work. She prescribed me with another ‘pampakapit’, and increased the doses of my existing maintenance medicines.
We went home emotionally tired.