Paulit-Ulit-Ulit-Ulit na Unli Ulit


Hindi ko na mabilang yung times na nag-blog ako about my desire to have another baby. Grabe talaga. 

I had my period ng January, February and March. I cried on the first days of each month, promise. Minus three months na ulit for this year na magbubuntis ako. 

I always tell myself na okay na, hindi na muna ako aasa. Baka hindi pa talaga time. I stopped seeing my OB. I stopped taking my medicines. Baka kasi masyado na akong na-i-stress kakasunod sa steps, procedures, kakabukaka, kakapa-ultrasound, kakapabilang ng eggs, kaka-schedule ng lovemaking, kakapa-extract ng blood. While my body does not cooperate, husband’s body is very well capable. His liquifaction and count are normal. 

Bakit ako, hindi pa din?! Minsan naiisip ko ang unfair na talaga. Sobrang hirap ng pagbubuntis, paglabor, panganganak, post partum. willing na ako pagdaanan ulit yon. Buo na ang puso, utak at kalooban ko na pagdaanan ulit yon, bakit ayaw pa ako pagbigyan ng langit? Bakit yung iba magkatinginan lang sila ng asawa nila, nabubuntis na? Okay, that’s exaggerated. Pero bakit nga kaya?!

Thirty lang naman ako, pero 6 na si Enzo next month. Naiinip na din siya kahihintay. 

I am kinda glad din na ever since I started being vocal on my social media accounts na hirap ako magbuntis ulit, people around me are starting to be more sensitive. Mas konti na yung nangungulit. Meron pa din, pero mas konti.

Ilang tumblings pa kaya ang gagawin ko? 

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