One thing led to another. My previous blog post has been in my drafts for days. I’ve been preoccupied with a lot of things, kaya natengga na. Okay.
Two weeks ago, Enzo complained of toothache, molar area. When I checked it out, a molar is sprouting. I was excited. She’s really getting old, and so do I. Haha. Then the space between her two front lower teeth is getting wider, pero deadma. Baka guni-guni ko lang.
Come mid-week, Enzo’s yaya asked if I’ve noticed the new front tooth na palabas na kay bagets, kaya daw lalo lumaki space. Shet. Napansin ko na, di ko pa nakalikot. Guilt bothered me. I brought her to the dentist that Saturday and mas nashock ako na umuuga na pala. Iyak ang kalooban ko eh! No extraction was made, let the tooth fall off naturally daw. It took us one more week bago natanggal. It happened last Saturday, habang nagtatawa sya sa ALDUB, nalaglag. Haha. Ang cute ng reaction eh! How come the tooth fairy didn’t wait for night time daw. 🙂
Last week din, while Enzo was having breakfast, she asked if I’ve wrapped the gift for her classmate. There are those who celebrate birthdays in school kasi. Natatanta ako. I always check her books and notebooks for possible missed homeworks and quizz results and to keep myself updated with her lessons, everynight. Pati school diary for teachers’ notes. That night, I DID NOT. I was so tired that I trusted Tita Eva na lang. It’s not that I don’t trust her kaya I always check, ha.
Buti na lang we always keep stuff for gifts talaga. Gift wrapper din. Rush ang pag balot! Nakakaloka. I know Enzo was disappointed when I told her I failed to read her diary. Grateful as she is, she got amazed when I finished wrapping in less than 5 minutes.
One more thing, her suture is still on her foot. Pero yun naman, Dr Padlan naman is out of the country. Our Pedia Surgeon, too. May conference daw sa US ang mga Filipino surgeons. Sabay-sabay, ganon? Pero nasolusyunan ko na to.
Pero taena talaga. I felt so guilty that my mommy duties are being jeopardized with all the hellish feelings I have at work.
I realized more that WORK LIFE BALANCE is important. I will never be an effective employee for others while being an effective mother. My priorities should be clear. I know I should leave all personal issues at home, and my work issues in the office. Siguro I just have to admit that I am not like that. I won’t and can’t be a career woman while dreaming of being a perfect mother and wife.
I may sound so pessimist and negative, but that’s where life is taking me, eh. Para akong pinaglalaruan ng tadhana.
I’ve been trying to fix all the employee concerns at work, I believe I succeed most of the time. Pero it’s draining. It really is.
Baka kasi hindi ako talaga nakatadhanang umusad pa ang career, unlike mama. Baka dapat talaga tumutok nako kay Enzo. Baka dapat maniwala na’kong hanggang dito na lang yung pwede ialagwa ng karera ko.
Kasi, NANAY NA AKO. May buhay akong dinala sa mundo, na umaasa sa akin. Baka eto yung sagot sa prayers na sana lumaking maayos ang anak ko. Hindi ko kasi pwedeng iasa yung dasal na yon ng yaya lang ang kasama nya maghapon.
Sobra akong nalulungkot. Naguiguilty ako ng paulit-ulit. Parang ang selfish ko na sa sobrang aliw ko sa pangarap kong umasenso sa trabaho, napapabayaan ko yung rason kung bakit ako nagtratrabaho.
Ewan kung hormones o pagod lang ba ‘to. Pero ayoko na ng ganitong thoughts. Dapat mapahupa ko to. Hay.