Effed Up Part 2

Mommy bakit ka ganyan?” – Enzo
I was stunned by my daughter’s question. I was so sad yesterday that she felt it. My voice was so soft daw that no matter what kind of funny antics that she do, I don’t burst out laughing daw. 
I felt guilty. Yes, I maybe very sad, pero I still have her. She’s healthy, she’s smart, and she was happy that I was home early. I should be content with that. 
I know she wouldn’t understand it yet fully, but soon she’ll know. What makes me sadder is that we’ve been praying hard for another baby. She prays every night. It was on her Christmas wish last year, it was on her birthday wish, too. She even wrote Santa a letter. 
How in the world would I tell her that I can not give her a baby sister or baby brother yet? I can not imagine disappointing her. 
Pero siguro that’s part of how are we going to raise her. Early on, she must know that it’s sometimes possible not to have everything she wanted. 
Ang hirap na, I, as her mom will not give her one single wish. It’s painful, actually. Pero wala eh, tyaga pa. Tiis pa. Asa pa. 


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