Kahit Isa Na Lang, Kahit Isa Pa

We were in Nike Park – Galleria yesterday in quest of my husband for a Jordan XIII. We did not see a single pair. What we saw were shoes for small boys. They were so adorable. Out of nowhere, husband said na kung lalaki lang si Enzo, bibilhan nya nu’ng shoes na hawak ko.
Then it hit me. Baka hindi na talaga ako mabubuntis ulit. Baka dapat makuntento na ako kay Enzo. Don’t get me wrong, I am very happy and content and blessed with her. I am just afraid that if she grows up alone and we become old and sickly, Enzo will be alone looking after us. Yes, she’ll have cousins and friends and her own family to help her, but the love of siblings is different. Husband and I know that, for a fact. I have a sister and a brother, ganun din si husband.
We’ve been trying for more than a year. My husband is healthy, all his tests were normal, that’s confirmed by his urologist. Ako yung may diperensya. My ovarian custs aren’t decreasing in size, though they aren’t increasing, too. I ain’t ovulating normally. Nagsasawa na nga ako uminom ng gamot, it is too expensive. I could have saved all the money I’ve spent to go on a vacation. Nakakapagod.
Everytime Enzo asks for a baby brother, nasasaktan ako. I do not know how a 5 year old will understand that mommy might not bear another baby. Baka isipin niya we broke our promise.
I am really praying hard, kahit sana isa pa. I don’t care kung girl or boy. Pero kung i-ble-bless ng baby boy, bonggabels!
Status quo muna kami for now. I’ll be back to my OB next month.

Kahit magkabuhol-buhol ang fingers at toes ko, I am crossing them!


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