DISPLACEMENT
: the substitution of another form of behavior for what is usual or expected especially when the usual response is nonadaptive —called also displacement activity, displacement behavior

I think I’ve been having that kind of behavior for some weeks now. With all the negativities, pressure and stress I’ve encountered from work, I believe Enzo is the one who suffered.

Yeah, call me bad. Blame me. But I became really easily irritated with her ‘cat-cries’ and her tantrums. Almost everything inaccordance to my will that she does is not tolerable.

I’ll raise my voice, and tap my hands to whatever is within my reach. I just realized last night that I’ve asked her a million times for the past weeks these words: DO YOU WANT MOMMY TO GET MAD and DO YOU WANT ME TO SHOUT REALLY LOUD?

I don’t know but it just hit me. I was on the verge of getting mad again, when I felt really tired of getting mad. I decided to just ignore her last night, had dinner and took a shower.

We were already in bed when she said, ‘Mommy di ba happy lang tayo lagi?’ I hugged her and said sorry. She even asked why and what I was sorry for.

I felt like crying.

I really feel bad for displacing my disappointments to my kid. i knew then she’s harmless, she won’t fight back, she won’t hit me, she won’t shout.

But I become really scared that we’ll grow apart. She maybe too young to feel that, but I know my kid’s a smart child.

I have not said my standard phrase for like 15 hours. Little by little, I’ll help myself get back into reality, that work should be left in the office, including all it’s components. Promise.

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