I am currently re-reading an e-book entitled, Why Did I Marry You Anyway? The title caught my attention as soon as I saw them from the itunes store.
The book is all about the ins and outs of marriage. What are the most common issues that couples face, reasons for misunderstandings, break-ups and fall outs.
I know that there really is no secret formula to a great marriage. But the author was able to give some facts. Some reasons why married people end up unhappy are: money, infidelity, lack of time, undeclared feelings, in laws, and sex.
It’s the 21st century and I am a married woman, so talking about sex here, won’t be that taboo.
Alright. Sex is not just about love making. Sex in marriage is not just about orgasms and intimacy.
Intimacy can be achieved by so many ways. My husband and I love spending our time once the lights are off, laughing about ‘internal jokes’, or things that only the two of us can understand, that no matter where we are, or what we do, we can automatically laugh about things because of that time.
Intimacy can also be achieved by spending quality time together. Busy husband and wife can surely put some strains to a marriage, but it’s all about time and energy management. This has been an issue for us before, but we were able to surpass it, I’m proud to say.
Marriage should not also end the courtship stage you’ve both been through. My husband still gives me compliments for a nice outfit, a little change in my look, a new perfume, my smile, laughter, everything. He’s also fond of giving me kisses and hugs from out-of-nowhere (just like when we weren’t married yet). There are still flowers, little surprises and dates. We exchange ILOVEYOU and THANKYOU texts no matter how busy we are with our own stuff.
As a wife, I always do my best to serve my husband. Prepare food that he loves when I am sensing that he had a little harder time at the office. I make sure that my baby and I looks good and smells nice when he arrives at night.
Lovemaking also walks hand-in-hand with responsibility. We know very well that the fruit of LM is pregnancy. Some may not always be prepared to add another member of the family soon. In our case, we decided that I have to get a quarterly shot of Depo-Provera as a part of our family planning. With this, we need not worry about unwanted pregnancies, giving us a better and more satisfying time during LM.
Since sex can be both categorized under biological and emotional needs, my husband and I compromise. We don’t have a fixed schedule on when to do ‘it’, but since we’re confident that we pretty know each other well (we still discover new things about each other every single day, though), having a ‘sense’ of what each other need and want is sort of easier. When I had my preterm contractions on my 5th month of pregnancy, sex was strictly forbidden until the 6th week of my delivery. So, that’s 4 and a half months of abstinence. He survived.
Lastly, we communicate. We talk WITH each other and not TO each other. Talking WITH means an exchange of message and fully understanding it. Talking TO is simply sending out a message, period.
To summarize, the intimacy in a marriage need not be confined during lovemaking / sex time. It’s all in the mind 🙂
I am not claiming a perfect marriage. But I am claiming a happy and blessed husband and wife life. I am claiming that I am content to where am I right now.
*the ebook is written by Barbara Bartlein, RN, MSW