Pasensya, not the biscuit

20120308-145910.jpg has a new blog (written by mommies like me, too!) about their patience in dealing with their little tots.

I am super guilty with this.

During my eTel days, I’ve been warned coupla times by my TL on being an irate agent. Being a part o the Advanced Customer Service tier (ACS is where the supervisors are! Haha), we often, as in often receive calls from the General Billing Department where the customers are already really mad to the point that we can no longer deliver our opening spiel. It was never easy dealing with people whose culture is totally different from you. Minsan sa sobrang inis mo na din sa kanila, mas nagiging mahirap um-ingles, ba!

When I got pregnant, everbody who knows my sudden flare ups helped me tame my emotions. My husband did help alot, too!

When Enzo was born, it was always a major disaster when she’ll cry all night, and I can’t make her stop. Her routine was to stay awake from 10PM-7AM, just in time before her dad leaves the house for work.

I admit that there were times that I cried with her, kasi pagod na ako kaka-karga, sayaw, hele, kanta sa kanya. I remember one petty fight between my husband and I when I asked him for a bottle of milk. Ako na daw kasi pagod na siya, ayaw na bumangon. While in tears, I told him this:

‘bakit, ikaw lang ba pagod at puyat?! Maghapon akong walang tulog! Pagkaligo ni Enzo, naghugas akong bote. Nagising siya, naglaro kami, nung nakatulog, naglaba akong mga damit niya. Nung nagising laro ulit! Sa bawat laro hindi naman pwedeng hindi ko kargahin at padedehin! Nung nakatulog, pinlantsa ko yung mga damit! Hindi pa ako nakakapaligo, nagising na ulit! Kumakain ako habang nakasalang sa washing machine yung damit! Yung kaliwang braso ko, karga siya, yung kanan, nagtitimplang gatas! Kung gusto mo, ako na magtatrabaho sa inyo, ikaw mag-alagang bata! Gatas lang katatamaran mo pa!’

So there goes my patience.

Everytime mama pays us a visit, ( during Enzo’s first 4 weeks) she never fails to tell me that I look zombified. Iyak lang ako lagi. Ano daw gusto ko gawin, ibalik sa tummy si Enzo?

So she made a decision. After Enzo turned one month old, she asked my husband if we can spend my remaining 30 days of maternity leave in our home in Bulacan. She’ll help me adjust din daw. Husband agreed.

Three days pa lang kami dun, Enzo sleeps by herself na! No fuzz, no tears, no more sleepless nights for me! It was like magic!

Mama shared everything she knew to make baby-siting really easy for me.

First, I have to develop a routine. Though very young, babies feel more relaxed when their expectations of what would happen next comes true. At 7PM, I’ve already changed her into her sleep wear. At 8PM, all room lights are tuned off. At 9PM, she’s already asleep, very soundly! We do that everynight until now, a little later na nga lang since kasabay namin siya nila dad pagkain.

Second, everytime Enzo cries at night, it’s not enough that I carry her. Mama made sure that we have a stomach-to-stomach connection. Yes, my tummy touches her tummy because she gets warm by that position. I also let Enzo sleep on my tummy, may instant eye-to-eye contact pa. It also lessened her gas pains/kabag.

Third, it’s fine to carry your baby everytime she cries, contrary to what the oldies say, baka ma-spoil daw. Our babies need to feel that they are secured and there are people around her.

Now Enzo’s 22 months old, super na ang kulit! Everyday, every hour, every minute, she never fails to test our patience. She’ll climb from one chair to another, will attempt to go out of the house, cry when wants aren’t met, shout, scream.

I have spanked her once, sa pwet. I was feeding her. Umayaw na sa third na subo, hinawi pa yung kamay ko, and tinaob yung plate niya sa attempt na ilayo sa kanya yun. Para nanamang may masamang hangin sa utak ko, I raised my voice, brought her down from her high chair, dinala sa room (away from her nanny’s eyes) at napalo yung pwet. Away from her nanny, kasi di ba, we should praise a person in public, criticize in private. There.

She cried. Paglabas ng room, lumapit agad sa nanny, yumakap, nagsusumbong.

I didn’t talk to her until her daddy came home from work. I know hubby will get mad, but I still told him, anyway. He, PATIENTLY, explained that we need not hurt our baby to discipline her. He reminded me that since Enzo can not express herself very well yet, crying and trying to act out what she wants is her only way of expression. He talked to Enzo and explained that what she did wasn’t right. That food is a blessing, and should be respected. We know, Enzo can not fully comprehend what we said, but the eye contact she made while dad was talking already meant a lot.

I said sorry to her, kissed and hug her too. I know she loves me because she has forgiven me. 🙂

After that incident, I believe I’ve changed a lot. Husband can testify to that, too. Everytime I feel like my patience is about to end, I get out of the house and take a deep breath. If it’s nanny’s day off and Enzo becomes a little fuzzy and naughty, I just let her.

Or in a more firmed voice, I tell her what I want her to do. Our pedia also told us to avoid negative commands. Instead of saying, DO NOT PUT YOUR FEET ON OUR TABLE, say, PUT YOUR FEET DOWN.

It also helps that everytime she wants something against my will, I give her diversional activities. Like, instead of running around the house like crazy while shouting, I ask her to dance and sing and for me. When she wants to go out of the house at 2PM, I let her draw and color. When she does not want to take a nap, I let her listen to Disney songs or I tell her the different items in our room, while lying down.

If all else don’t work, I don’t get mad. Instead, I laugh at her, and soon, she’ll start laughing, too. When she gets fuzzy, I hug her. When she cries, I carry her and let her cry on my shoulders.

We encourage her to point on the things she wants, like her milk, water, toys, or even the television.

Her nanny encourages her to imitate saying what she wants too (after pointing at them).

It helped.

I am thankful that Enzo also teaches me a lot of things. Actually, us.

There. Ikaw, na-challenge na din ba ng anak mo ang pasensya mo?


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