memoirs of may 30, 2009

A man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss, be it only for a brief moment, in the contemplation of his beloved.
– Viktor E. Frankl
I wore white from top to bottom as I stand before him. Lifeless, muted and cold. I tried to talk to him, but all I can hear is the echo of my own voice. I want to touch him for the last time but all we have is a glass that separates us. I embraced the cold wood that encapsulates him. Papa… all that I can speak.
She was there standing opposite of me. She did not utter a single word as she held my sister & brother in her trembling arms. Silent tears flowed in her eyes down to her cheeks that signify her unbearable pain of losing her behalf. It breaks my heart when I saw my sibling’s eyes. There’s innocence. There’s hundred of questions lying and hiding on those two cute little eyes. There’s a child. Slowly killed by the tragedy.
She called his name. I barely heard it. But what made me cry is the sound of the voice that called his name. It was full of pain. Like a balloon full of goodbyes bursting inside a happy room. It was like yesterday I heard her humming her favorite line, “just another woman in love, a kid out of school” to him. It was heartfelt. She was in love.
It broke my heart seeing her. My every soul torn apart as each of her tears wetted the glass on my father’s casket.
“Ma kaya natin to” I whispered in silence. I felt my body going weak. Negativity and the gloom feeling gotten over me.
She called his name again while men in dark uniform laid him below the abyss of darkness. I’m sure it is cold there. He will be alone for long. My mom sung her hymn of letting go to the man she fell in love with for the last time. Clutching the roses in her shaking hands, she let them go together with his man.
And I never heard her singing again.


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