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How (really) should a husband and wife fight?
You see, I am not a nagger wife. I don’t nag when my husband goes home late due to work, due to a night out with his friends or officemates. The only time that I nag him (and my daughter) is everytime he forgets to put his used clothes in the hamper. That simple.
Okay, fine. I nag them when I ask them to do things which they (most of the time) ignore, and I, ending up doing it myself. Read: fix their mess, eating time, take a bath, bring out the trash…
My temper can bring the worst out of me. I curse and utter bad words. I throw things. I glare. I confront. I just don’t raise my voice, I shout. I make sure to give everyone a piece of my mind. People never hear the end of me. But that was all before. I think I’ve written about it.
Seven years into marriage, I believe I have changed a lot. I mean a lot.
When I seriously get mad or frustrated at my husband, I have the tendency to shut my mouth, and not talk at all. Even the innocent frozen meat will suffer with my silent and cold treatment. I’ll shrug and just say nothing when asked, even when forced.
I’d rather keep things to myself than regret what I might blurt out later on.
But it consumes me. It’s tiring. It’s unpeaceful inside. I can not concentrate. Negative vibes radiates all over me.
Husband and I had our second major fight the other night. I started ignoring him on Thursday night and it lasted for five days. Yes, 5 days. He’s Cebu bound on Tuesday, so he made sure we resolve our issues before he left.
It was a major fight for me because it’s only the second time in our married life that we both raised our voices, and almost, almost cursed. Enzo was already asleep, so she didn’t witness it.
It’s part of my duty as his wife to pack for his stuff everytime he goes on an OB trip. But we weren’t ‘bati’, so I ignored him, and he was proud enough not to ask for my help. After a while, he got pissed because his things seem not to fit his overnight backpack. He started throwing tantrums and forced me to go out of the room (I was busy watching Suspicious Partner, a Korean Drama hehe).
I coldly told him that he still lack somethings in his bag and that’s where the argument started. I was hesitating to spill the beans, but he just won’t leave me alone. It took me probably an hour to speak.
When I started crying, he got angrier. How could I cry without telling him my reasons daw. It was a 3-hour long talk. Unpeaceful talk. We went out of the house so we won’t wake Enzo up. He kicked two monoblock chairs and I threw several things on the table. Fight mode talaga.
At 2AM, my head was already starting to hurt because of crying and he already had lots of mosquito bites on his legs.
The fight ended at 3 goodness gracious in the morning. We met halfway and compromised.
I did not regret the fight we had. He said sorry, I did not. Why? Just because. They say people in relationships needs to say sorry not because you are wrong, but because you do not want to lose the person. I kinda sorta disagree. I did not say sorry because I stand firm that I got mad with the right reasons. It would be a half-baked, insincere apology. I do not want that. He knows it, too.
With puffy, swollen eyes and a throbbing head, I am able to send him off his OB trip peacefully. He left the following day with a lighter mood, he said. We might not be 100% okay, but atleast we have talked. It is an achievement for him daw to get me talking. I agree. It’s a huge step for me, too.
We started exchanging one liner SMSs when he was enroute to the airport (thank you, Grab). Enzo arrived home at 10:30AM that day (exams week, shortened period), so she asked if we can talk to her dad. He was already in Cebu, that time.
Iba talaga pag may bata. They will and can always bridge the gap of their parents. The coldness of our voice was still felt, but when Enzo placed the call on speaker phone, wala na. Husband took the chance to make me harot. I can not afford to let Enzo see and feel that we fought.
When husband said I love you, and he can’t wait to go home (wala pa syang half day don), his sincerity dawned on me. The tiredness I felt from the past days of our cold war slowly disappeared.
I suddenly missed him. A part of me is still mad. Something is slowly creeping and slithering in my heart, swallowing the inis and hate that I feel. I tried hard to fight the feeling, but it really is crippling.
The last call he made was at 11PM. He made kwento about his day and told me he wish we were with him kasi super laki daw his bed, and he sure know I’ll love the soft pillows. He was checked-in by his company at Marriott Hotel, so it was really a sosyal place.
We both were watching the late night news while talking, when it was announced that November 15-17 is already a holiday. I believed we both got excited because it was also around that time two years ago when we went to Pico de Loro for my 30th birthday.
The call ended with another round of iloveyous from him. My head is telling me that my pride is right, but my heart is telling me otherwise. I sent him a goodnight message, and also wish him home.
And yes, I already miss him. I still love him very, very much.
My eyes? They still look like this as of writing:
Sorry na sa messy eyebrows. Exams week, di ba nga? No time for threading ✌🏻
I was on a year hiatus! My blog slept for a year! I have a lot to tell you 😅 Sa sobrang dami, wala akong naisulat. Even my drafts do not have any. Hehe.
How have you been?
Have you been well? Good.
Have you been troubled? Good.
Have you felt unsure? Good.
Have you been indecisive? Good.
Are you still there? Great. Continue reading “I’m Back! 🤗”
It’s been a while since I last posted something I prepared for husbandry and I 😁I’m not even sure if I’ve already shared this with you (wow, daming readers!) but I’ll share it, anyway.
We once ordered this in a Chinese restaurant for Php 180.00! Ang mahal!
This is spicy. For those who have a faint heart, you can tame this with a little sugar. For those who are brave, add more chili flakes.
This is very easy to do, cheap and simple.
1/4 kg ground pork, regular (with fat)
3 medium size eggplant, quartered
10 cloves garlic, minced
1 medium onion, minced
1 Lee Kum Kee Spicy Egg Plant Sauce
2 tbsp Vinegar
Salt and pepper
Chili flakes, optional
How to cook:
Deep fry eggplant until brown
Let excess oil drip in paper towel
In the same pan (reduce remaining oil), sautè onion first.
Once transluscent, add garlic.
Saute until aroma comes out.
Once brown, not burnt, add ground pork.
Saute for 3 minutes, then season with salt and pepper.
Mix the Lee Kum Kee Sauce, mix until all meat is coated. Simmer for 2 minutes.
Top the mixture with the fried eggplant. This will allow the eggplant to absorb the sauce. Simmer for a minute, then flip the eggplant.
Add warm water and simmer for one more minute.
Mix until eggplant is coated.
Add 2 tbsp of vinegar. Simmer for a minute.
Add chili flakes.
Done! Serve with hot steamed rice.
We went back to SLMC GC for an ultrasound, and to submit the mass for histopathology.
My ultrasound looked like my pre-pregnancy ultrasound. Uterus was thin, everything was normal. Except sa scar nu’ng mass that came out the night before. It was concluded that I had a complete abortion.
Abortion because I lost the baby during the first trimester. It was complete, meaning, no residue was seen inside my uterus, and cervix was closed. Having said that, I need not undergo D&C (dilataion and curretage, raspa, ebribadi).
I guess it was my little pea working na. My angel does not want mommy any more pain and suffering, kaya no more raspa.
As expected, I cried tons inside Doc Jing’s clinic again. I have never been that sad, after Papa’s death, I swear.
It was Enzo’s exams week. I still got the chance to guide her and do some mock tests while on bed. At around 6PM, I started feeling uncomfortable (as if my entire ordeal was comfortable).
I was having faint lower abdomen and back pain. I had spotting. I got really nervous. I was like having a labor na may bloody show na. I forced to have a light dinner, and ‘over’ hydrated myself. At 7:30, my bleeding was non-stop. Pain escalated to 7/10. Textmates kami ni OB, the whole time.
Doc Jing called me at around 10PM, when the pain was at 9/10. Over the phone, kino-condition niya ako, NA BAKA ETO NA YON. Na baka eto na yung dinidread namin na mangyari. Sabi nya, iiyak ko na lang, and ipray, worrying and getting nervous won’t do any help, tataas lang bp ko. She advised me to don on a thicker sanitary pad, and stay in bed. Eh I ‘over’ hydrated myself, maya’t maya ang wiwi.
Ang dami-dami kong naiiyak. As in ang dami-dami. Pagod na pagod ang tearducts ko. At 11:00, husband arrived. I asked him to drop by a drugstore and buy me a specimen bottle. Just IN CASE.
At exactly 11:10, with a painscale of 18/10, yes, that painful, a mass came out while I was peeing. I had to scoop the mass so I can place it inside the specimen bottle.
Ang sakit. Ang laki-laki ng gastos sa gamot, lahat ng vitamins and prenatal care, no matter what the cost is, sinunod ko, namin, tapos in an instant, nasa twelve pesos specimen bottle na lang siya? I could not stand staring at the mass. It was just too painful.
Dra. Fernandez called and gave me her instructions. For the nth time, we slept emotionally tired.